October 30th, 2004
Notice to anyone who had this account as friends - delete it from you're friends list because i want to compleatly destroy it. Fir anyone who doesn't know my new LJ and read this one, it's deadlyvoices
My new LJ is friends only - if you want to read it you have to comment! ( No more sneeky viewing of my lj and finding out all my bitchy sides! )
May 17th, 2004
|04:18 pm - Friends Only|
Okay evil google - you win the bastard competition!!! I don't mind if people read my lj but from now on it's strictly friends only. So if anyone un-expected is reading this and wants to read my future LJs...message me!
maybe I'll create a new account and make it friends only...Yes...I'll do that. I'll add you guys when i'm done...
May 16th, 2004
|06:12 pm - Blah?|
I've been working on my final art piece for my project..It's as big as a dolls house at the moment. Never going to get it to school! Well, gorgio - you can shove your wishes of me to work at school up your god damn arse because i'm not going to. It took me ( with help from my dad ) a good 2 hours to make the base and cover it in paper-glue. Hopefully it won't warp... Grr...fathers Oo...he made me put on old clothes so i had to rake around my cupboard and drawers to find something...tried on about 5 pairs of trousers and shorts of which none of them fitted so i ended up wearing a pair of mud green shorts that i brought last year and a raggy old purple tee. Blah!
I'm bored, once again. I've watched 2/3 of matrix revoulutions. Hehe - i love the bit when ghost says ' watch out sir, squidy are cheeky little bastards' Muhaha, that line rocks!
So tired as well , these days sleep just doesn't feel the same as it used to. I drop of like a log then wake up like a log. Like theres this giant hand pushing me down when i most need to get up. My body says 10ish hours sleep isn't enough. I say it's not but i can't go to bed at 8 o'clock every night or else i'll never be able to watch tv or get my things ready...grr?
I'm falling asleep now...maybe it's the music. Check out explosions in the sky on widows media or something - very relaxing stuff...not quite mellow or medative but it takes the cold edge of things...
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: explosions in the sky - first breath after coma
Bordem is a crude thing - don't you agree? It takes you my the feet and drags you to the middle of everything where you could do anything you wanted to do. It ties you up and sits you there so your helpless to fight it off. It dances around you, showing off it's power to bind you from everything you want. Your helpless in a helpful place - doing nothing in a world full of things to do. Yet however much you will the ropes to loosen and escape the grasps of the nothingness, it overpowers your mind...yuo are hopeless, helpless and weak. And bored. The world now appears barren and listless, grey and dull. Everything that was once appealing is regarded as intresting as dust setting of drying paint.
The world has nothing.
Even the slience that had an eery glow is gone.
Empty of joy.
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: explotions in the sky - the long spring.
|10:55 am - New Image!!!|
Yet another new friends only image for my website...100% mine, no images this time...just brushes, pencils and text...well, mr photoshop helped me... :)?
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: LP- Crawling ( Just started hoostank - the reason...)
Kemals wierd...I really don't understand his world, but at least his writes in english and not alienoided english gangster slang ilke zac...
I got up early today, listened to audiogene on my walkman, had a wash with my underwear on ( i was only using a flannel...) put clothes on and got breakfast. Dry special K with berries.
May 15th, 2004
I don't like the phone. It's rang twice in 5 minutes from when my parents left. Neither people left messages or names. Grr...DON'T RING ME AGAIN!!!
May 14th, 2004
|10:05 pm - Her Voice, Like Ice…:|
She lay on the floor in front of me, gazing up at me through two twinkling green eyes. Despite everything we had been though together, she still trusted me and I still loved her; if love is the greatest thing after life. Then again death, it seems, has always been an option when things get to heavy on our brittle shoulders. Seeing her in the state she was in made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and a chill run down my spine. It worries me that the ropes between us are thinning and one day she will fall of the point of life.
Her hands were pulling at her dark hair as the blood seeping through the light rags on her wrists spilled out onto her pale face and neck. I had tried to calm the flow from both wrists and the slash on her deep scratches on her shoulder but everything I tried to do seemed to make no difference, if anything; worse. Many people say those that harm themselves are unstable. I didn’t believe that.
‘Why, why do you do it Cass? I ask you every time if I mean anything to you and every time you say it will never happen again, that you can change. But you never do. Look at you! You’re dying; I can see it in your eyes. I can see tell you want it but there are other ways…it’s just a high for you isn’t it? Or do you just do it because no one else will? I bored of this…Cass, please…’ Tears grew in my eyes and the lump in my throat was gaining on me.
She gazed at me for a moment longer before turning away and digger her nails further into the bloody rag on her shoulder.
‘Cass, don’t. I’ll call the hospital if you do. They’ll help you and then they’ll put you in care home like you’ve always dreaded.’ Her grasp got tighter at the words, ‘They’ll lock your door at night and watch you everyday of your life until you can afford to leave. You won’t even be able to use a knife in case you hurt yourself when they turn around. I’m not playing around here; I will do it if it means you’ll stay alive.’
Blood stained fingers pushed through her knotted hair. She took a deep breath.
‘All it takes is a question. Ask me to help and I’ll help, don’t and I’ll call the ambulances and you can go and live your life far, far away from me.’ I wiped away the tears that started to leak from my eyes. The thought of being without her was painful and was even worse to think that she would choose to die than be alive together. ‘So what is it going to be; me or living hell?’
‘You’re asking me to choose between death and you? The guy I love and the world of hate and pain or a few minutes of pain and an endless bliss of nothingness?’ She struggled to sit up, I pulled her hands and sat besides her letting her put her weight on me.
‘We can move, get away from this place. Start over.’
Her eyes were like two shards of ice now, searing into mine and inflicting the most amount of pain eyes can inflict.
‘Then…’ she broke her gaze and picked up the razor blade. ‘I’ll try. I can’t promise but I’ll try. Help me.’ She dropped them in the small white bin by the door and pulled me into a hug. Her eyes shed more tears as her body lurched in crying. I sniffed and wiped away more tears. I loved her so much, this was it; the binding, the beginning of her change. Our change.
Our life, together.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHH My arse hurts :( i skidded on my kitchen floor because i waws wearing socks ( which i usually don't..) and fell back landed heavily on my bum. It hurts :( Bad. Hehe, i was writing a bit more to my new story 'her voice, like ice' but gave up after a while. found this LJ community from a link on a random person who commented on my icons. http://www.livejournal.com/community/cuttingimage - don't lok at it if your at all sqirmish - photos of people's self-inflicted cuts. Very nasty. But that's what my books about so it's very inspiring... I shall post my story to make me feel better...
Current Mood: I love this song:
Current Music: Explosions in the sky - the only moment we were alive
|05:54 pm - Boo Yeah|
Finally! Please like my new homepage before i've finnished the site :s http://deadlyvoices.tk
Amazing - the image took me about 2 hours to get that working and made where as the last took 3 hours and looked shite!
So....friday...great news eh? Going to have chineese take-away for lunch tommorow at my gradfathers house because it's his birthday (belated) party. Yey...the joy of my grandfather...
May 13th, 2004
|06:44 pm - What To Say?|
My Site: http://free.hostdepartment.com/D/DeadlyVoices/index.html ( or http://deadlyvoices.tk - the index isn't there though!)
3 hours and it doesn't even look good on the site! I'm putting it in my sketch book though, mr gorge said my other images were 'interesting' wft!?!? My dad's comments were better than his :( I hate him. Bastard...
May 12th, 2004
Bring a cd in and i'll coy it for you - i only have DVD blanks left :( I had to copy my sisters red hot chili peppers album for my mum so she doesn'y get upset when she's cooking...
Mr Luzet marry english women? Hehehe...mr luzets naked lolo! ( hailo's fantasy with him...you'll get over it...).
May 11th, 2004
|04:48 pm - Take me Away|
that song rocks so bad, go audiogene!
I found this, which made me happy. Finally some official evidence the the sequel to underworld is being worked on:
'Wiseman, a music video director for En Vogue and Megadeth, made his feature-film debut with last fall's Underworld. He's now working on an untitled sequel with Beckinsale again in the starring role. '
It was on a google list about their wedding... ( kate and len w.)
Blah. I officialy hate Samantha ( feeny ) aparently she was bitching about me before i got there thismorning! Gorgina said she had said i had a cauldron and that i did voodoo and stuff. WHY THE HELL CANT YOU FUCK OFF LIKE I TOLD YOU TO? She's always on about me being a witch. no 1, i'm not and never was - I was semi-pagan and besides which i'm not religious anymore...BUT that doesn't mean she can go around being close-minded and prejudice about wicca because there ARE people who are pagan/wiccan and they don't deverve the kind of discrimination they get. Whats up with the world? It's like a major society breakdown!!!
Grr. I hate her. Not talking to her...
May 10th, 2004